say no to fish pie!

Uuuuuuuuuugh! My stomach is playing up!

This is why I hate living with the family, you have to eat the same meals as them and I HATE Salmon and I HATE fish pie!

All those icky bones that you miss somehow chewing and they spike in your throat!

Now I try to sleep or choke on the bile i can feel wanting to come up... whichever comes first!

Go-ing for GOOOOOOOOOOLD!

You know, when Kids this year did well in their A-Levels, the best yet in fact, the Government say that the tests are getting too easy yet when this Olympics turns out to be our best EVAH! they don't seem to stand up and point their fingers and start complaining that the games must be getting 'too easy' and demand that they make the games harder!

Kids aren't allowed to be smart but Athletes are allowed to be the best in the world!

It seems to me that the Olympics is the only time that we well and truley can be British.

I shit you not, because once this is over we'll be told to put the Union Jack flags away lest we be condemmed as raaaaaaaaaaaaaacists!

Still it's nice that for once we're doing well in something.

I just hope schools are watching the Olympics and realising 'IT'S GOOD TO WIN!'

It pisses me off that kids aren't allowed to win in sports days any more becuase 'it'll hurt the losers feelings' Well yes. It's called LIFE! If I was a teacher I would batter this lesson into the kids under it boarders child abuse!

But I'm not but I can't.

In other news. Gary Glitter doesn't want to come back to England because of his health. Well yes your health is gonna suffer if you come back Mr. Glitter especially if you go near any Gangs (pause for hopeful laughter)

Is it me but isn't it ironic that Jade Goody discovered she got cancer whilst she was in India?

Huzzah for Karma!

Werewolf Vs. Dragon

An extract from the new kids book series 'An Awfully Beastly Business'. To set the the scene they have found a baby dragon that has been killed and they are now performing an autopsy to find out how it died. Just a little warning it's a little icky so don't read if you don't like blood.

Ulf stared as Dr. Feilding ran the chainsaw blade down the underside of the dragon.
Sparks flew from its scales and a mist of dark red blood sprayed Dr. Feilding's white coat.

She cut all the way down through the dragon's belly. It opened like a zip and its guts spilt out. Ulf had never seen anything so repulsive or incredible.

(but wait it gets better)

Plunging her arms inside the dragon, shhe felt the stomach sack, pressing it with her fingertips.
The stomach wall was ripped.
'A rupture of some sort,' she muttered to herself.
'Urgh! It stinks,' Ulf said, getting a waft of the dragon's last meal.
Dr. Feilding reached into the stomach and pulled out a half-digested mountain lion.
'It didn't die of starvation, then,' ulf said. He was pinching his nose. He watched as Doctor Feilding picked up a metal crowbar from among the tools and began prising open the dragon's ribcage.
She climbed inside the chest cavity and checked the lungs.


Ok I'll stop there, it goes on like this for another chapter and I think you get the picture. ;)

Aren't kids books super these days? =P

Don't get me wrong it's a good book, and the illustrations are top notch (though Doctor Feilding looked rather more manical with her chainsaw in the illustration preceeding the text (and she's meant ot be the good guy too) than she should be.

But then again the animal was dead and it was WAS techincally a make believe creature, but I'm sure it would be different if the book was writing about her chainsawing a living human haha! But then again I haven't finished reading the book so she might very well end up doing so for all I know!

X-Fucker!

GRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!!!!

It's back! The bastard child of Cowell is fucking BACK!

Every year this bloody well happens, taking over saturday nights and the papers as 'we' look for a new star! God, stop making everyone think that the only talent that's a talent is singing!

I really hate those auditions as well and I always seem to end up watching one episode due to 'family time' and my teeth haven't recovered from last year from all the cringing I did.

I mean, what possesses some of these people to go on? Do they actually think they can sing? Didn't they try listening to themselves before hand?! Didn't they think 'I sound terrible, do I really want to embarress myself on national tv just for a few seconds of screen time?' Actually they probably do think that and still do it. Blegh!

So yes, we've got the auditions and Simon Cowell making everyone feel small and then we'll find a winner and then they'll instantly get a Christmas Number 1.

I miss the REAL Christmas Number 1...

And once they've got their Christmas Number 1 we can then expect them to disappear into obscurity. Except for Leona fucking Lewis and I wish we COULD get rid of that bitch!

Trolls and Wizards and Fairy Kings...

...Birds that talk and fish that sing!

Anyone remember David the Gnome? No? Not even the ultra depressing ending? Still no? Ah well.

Fact: You can knock it, you can rock it, you can go to timbuktu but you'll never find a Nessie in a zoo!

That is all.

Sexy Party!

If more and more things are becoming banned because they offend minorities, how long has Christmas and the English Language got left?

If you want pictures with a sexy twenty year old girl who likes casual fun in your area call this number,
Or if you want to get pictures and have fun with a thirty year old woman call this number,
If you want to get pictures or casual fun with a mature forty year old call this number
And if you want to get pictures or have casual fun with a fifty year old call this number.

Seriously, this is one of those late night adverts you get on Paramount and Virgin 1 and they just make me laugh. Does anyone actually ring these things? And do they really believe that there are hot girls at the end of the phone sitting on beds, giggling to themselves and shaking their booty as they wait for your call.
Somehow I doubt there’s anyone waiting for my call, lying on their bed just staring at their mobile and weeping that Tom hasn’t texted her to demand sexy photos of her and the possibility of casual ‘fun’.

Honestly, casual fun? That’s just a silly way of saying ‘SEX!’ tut tut! Think of the children!

Question. If the Devil is the Prince of Darkness, who’s the King? Or was Dracula the Prince of Darkness… eh.

TV sucks!

You know there’s a LOT of things that piss me off when I watch the news on TV these days.

One of these things would have to be the handshaking that politicians do. They just walk into a room and shake the persons hand; now there’s nothing wrong with that but when they shake the person’s hand they only make eye contact with each other for a split second before looking directly at the camera and smiling their fake smiles all the while still shaking each others hands.

It just gets on my nerves really and it just feels to me that when you turn a handshake into a photo op it really doesn’t mean a thing, especially when you’re not even looking at who you’re shaking hands with, I mean I KNOW who is doing the shaking! They don’t need to look at the bloody camera to show who they are! What, do they think that we’d have no clue who Gordon Brown is if we only saw his face from the side? GAWD! Shake like you mean it you nut jobs!

This isn’t strictly from TV news but is one word that I absolutely LOATH and that word is ‘Passion’!

That word REALLY pisses me off these days, it feels like it’s the only word that these people on antiques shows and the like use to describe liking something.

‘Oh yes writing is my passion’ or ‘My passion is cooking!’

SERIOUSLY, use another word!

Just try it for yourselves people of England, see how many times you hear the word passion in a day, especially on the BBC channels and you’d be surprised.

Also Antique shows stop using the word ‘Quality’! Try another word!

*Throws thesauruses at TV producers!*